www.MrKSun.net

Everyone with basic education in economics should know the concept of sunk cost, the cost that has been already incurred and cannot be recovered. Some might also have heard about “the sunk cost dilemma,” a theory which states the possibility to result in an overall disaster despite the sequence of good and rational decisions.

I want to say that I have tried my best to be a good person and work things out. Despite the sequence of my ‘most rational’ decisions, however, I am down here with a mess. Knowing the fact that things already happened and I should move on, I am still stuck with the sunk cost I should leave behind. I guess I am not the most economic person, particularly in terms of relationships with people; and I wish I could be.

I’ve been getting up quite early these days: around 4:50 am. Still I could not hold the time flying faster than light (oh yes, someone please bring up the theory of relativity here). Today, however, I woke up at 6:30 am. I suspect it is because of the cold I had from last night. I walked too long, and the day was too hot and humid, and the air conditioning inside buildings/buses/trains was cold enough to attach the wraith of illness. Nevertheless, it was still an enjoyable night because I met a friend of mine whom I had not seen for five years. And I realized… I changed a lot.

朝早く起きたらお腹がすいた。冷蔵庫を開けてみたけど何もなかった故で、結局財布だけ持って外に出た。六時くらい、結構早い時間だったけど空はもう明るくなってた。ああ、夏だな、と思いながら朝の空気を吸い込んだ。雨の匂いがした。僕は雨が好きだ。雨が降る前のその重い空気が好きだし、雨が降ってる時の静かさの中でザーと降る雨音も好きだし、雨跡の強いコントラストも好きだ。まるで全てに座っていたほこりが洗われて、隠された本当の色が現れたそうな、そんなコントラストがずっと好きだった。

二千ウォンでキムバを買ってきた。キムバは韓国ののり巻きである。でものり巻きと言ったら違う気がするから僕にはキムバはキムバだ。どうでもいい話だけど…

帰る道に訳もなく寂しさが込み上げてきた。こんな幸せの中で、僕は一人だったせいだと思った。僕だってたまには普通な幸せが欲しがったようだ。誰かと手をつないで、こんな瞬間に一緒にいたかったようだ。僕だって弱い人間だと思った。しょうがなかった。 何を言っても。

朝の写真、撮っておいたらよかったな、と思った。それだけ。

나를 정말 오랫동안 알고 지낸 한 친구가 오늘 나를 찬찬히 들여다보며 말했다:

“넌 신기하게도 불만의식이 하나도 없어. 그래서 뭘 하고 싶은 의지도 생기지 않는거야.”

오 그냥 물 흐르듯 살다보면

나오는 답은 백수 뿐인가!